Queen of Pain and Agony

Weird Work Weekend (www)

Maybe not so weird, but definitely out of the ordinary.

My dear friend and colleague handed her patient over to me for a dressing change on Saturday. For some strange reason, my friend Cindy, told the patient I might hurt her! Or that's what the patient heard. At any rate, I busted out laughing, and said "Oh sure! Don't ya know, I'm the Queen of Pain and Agony." (I'll get you Cindy, I will!)

The lady had a large leg wound that was very painful, and a lot of anxiety, naturally. Her face was squinched tight, and I asked if I was hurting her, she said "OH YES!" and I asked her to open her eyes. My hands were no where near her leg.

Since she was anxious, I told her to breathe as if she was giving birth to a baby with a head the size of a Volkswagen, Lamaze style breathing. She complied, and once she got into the rhythm, and I removed the old dressing. The rest of the wound care was slicker than goose poop. Perhaps that's a poor choice of phrase. The rest of the wound care was without incident. (Stated in my professional voice.)

We visited for a while, and I thought, AHA! And happened to mention that Cindy practices all sorts of alternative medicine, uses essential oils, mixes potions of goo that are at best questionable, and she better watch out.

Truth be told, humor goes a long way in dealing with patients, and if you can get them laughing, the visits go faster, easier, the patient's more relaxed and ready to participate. Anxiety levels go down, as does blood pressure and pain.

If they didn't, I'd have to resort to a large bore needle and a wicked tourniquet.